Blog by Valerie
Witnessing is an important method of learning and healing. In a MOOC (massive open online course) I recently completed on indigenous early child development, witnessing was taught as one of the main ways indigenous children learn, to remind western educators to value it and not expect that learning needs to be in a lesson format. It seems to me, witnessing is how we all learn. We have to teach children how to behave in ‘lessons’ and other learning environments. But from when we’re tiny babies and can’t physically do much, we learn by witnessing the world without and our feelings within. (Image from here)
I’ve been doing a lot of witnessing lately with both political and social situations around me. Sometimes I feel grumpy and want to say, ‘Hey, don’t treat me that way!’, but I realise it isn’t about how someone is treating me, and I don’t need a boundary. They’re in pain and asking me for compassion, patience and grace. Other times I want to say, ‘Hey you don’t have to live in your hurt and believe that’s the way life is!’, but that rarely feels constructive with stuck and pained mindsets, and I don’t want to be unkind or lecture.
So I ask myself, what is my responsibility?
In terms of larger social issues, I understand the appeal of ‘news fasts’, because a lot of what’s reported on is hard to digest and happening physically far away. But I feel it is my responsibility to maintain some awareness of struggles where I have a connection, and devote some of my time to witnessing reports from people there, feeling my feelings, and sending some prayers.
Witnessing can be incredibly healing because the other doesn’t feel invisible or judged. It can also be really hard work. I see it as an art, and part of the power of practices like sacred circles, talk therapy, or confiding in someone. And it extends to our non human kin as well, as anyone who’s ignored their pet can attest. (Lukas and I had a cat called Marigold years ago who did what we referred to as ’statement shits’ outside her litter box to get her message across when she was unhappy with us!)
Sometimes witnessing doesn’t feel like doing enough. I for one can’t take a photo or write a story about someone having a hard time and feel like I’ve done my job (but then I’m not a journalist!). I tend to need to dialogue with someone or send prayers. Others might feel the need to donate money or time. One thing I’m wary about, though, is rescuing. Sometimes we are in crisis and need to be saved from a bad situation. And yet, often the harder thing to do is to witness a struggle, wait to see if there is right timing for us to intervene, and accept that an intervention might just be a few gentle words or a reminder about a boundary. To overstep places us in drama we needn’t take on, and to avoid cuts us off from parts of ourselves and each other.
That’s why witnessing is an art. And to all of you practicing it, I honour your work. Thank you very much for all of your unseen, valuable heart labour. (Image from here)
Exercise: Reflect on how you value witnessing. What do you tend to do when you witness something hard? What do you tend to avoid witnessing? What do you ask others to witness?
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